If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Arrived safely last Tuesday 18th September. She is perfect and we are overjoyed. Came home on Saturday and her big brother Max seems to be adjusting well so far (though he's still got two doting grandparents here spending lots of time with him). Emotionally I did OK until just before the c-section and the sense of relief once she was delivered was there again though not quite as overwhelming as when Max was delivered. The tears for Matilda didn't really start until the day before we were coming home and it really started to sink in we were taking this little girl home when we never got to bring Matilda home. As so many things with rainbow babies, the happy is intermingled with the sad. Last night our neighbours came over with their little girl and her and Max played while we passed Maggie around and sat on the deck and ate dinner. Life is good. But we still miss you and love Matilda - that won't ever change.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

So close

So we're counting down to Tuesday when this little one is arriving (bar nothing happening before then). My third pregnancy and it's been the most 'normal' - for the first time I made my last scheduled ob appointment. And about this time three years ago we found out Matilda had BWS. I still look back and can't believe everything she and we went through. But it was real - the urn next to my bed and photos tell me that. Matilda - we love you and miss you.