Just after I posted about 5 months and thinking that I was doing better these days, I fell back into this endless well of pain us babyloss Mum's seem to have inside of us.
We've had incrediably good news this week, we're going away for Easter, and are lucky in so many ways. But all I can think about it how sad I am, how much I miss Matilda, and how much I wish she was here.
My pysc suggested that perhaps I need to start finding some ways to say goodbye to Matilda. I thought I had but the reaction I had to that suggestion makes me think I haven't. And I don't want too. I can't believe I'm living a life where saying good bye to my baby was necessary.
Sigh. Here's hoping that as the dates once again roll past these dates when Matilda was alive that I can be thankful for what we have and what we have to look forward to again. And feel the love I have for Matilda without so much of the pain.