I feel sad, introverted, and withdrawn most of the time still. But yesterday I went out for coffee with my SIL and two of her friends and I talked and laughed. There was only one moment where we were discussing a friend who's engaged to someone that already has kids. And whether those kids would be at the wedding. I almost said 'If I had kids then I'd want them at my wedding'. In the next moment I caught myself and didn't say it.