If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My Bedside Table

On my bedside table, I have:
* An urn containing my daugther's ashes
* A bear that a friend knitted for her while I was pregnant
* The last scan picture we had of Matilda - DH found it the other day while going through some papers
* The first photo of Matilda after she was born
* An angel statue our neighbour's 7 year old gave us after Matilda died
* A St Gerard medal - patron saint of Mothers and Babies
* Two scan pictures of MB from early in this pregnacy
* The parachute toy the four year old I was looking after gave me 'for when you grow another baby'
* My kick chart
* A charged baby monitor my DH set up yesterday
* Moisturiser, hair brush, deoderant, and lamp

Grief, hope, and everyday life side by side. All of it hard to believe at times.


  1. Such a poignant, evocative post Maddie. xx

  2. Such has become our lives. I always wonder at what point I'll move her picture off the mantel or take her photo off of my screensaver for my laptop and phone. I still don't know the answer to those questions. One day at a time, I suppose.

    I've been waiting for a post from you. I'm anxiously awaiting D-Day for you.

  3. I'm anxiously waiting as well - c-section is booked for 39+1 (two weeks on Tuesday) but not sure if I'll last that long.