Instead the worst case scenario was one that hadn't entered my head - that's we'd be at our daughter's funeral the day she would have been a week old.
But now I'm sitting here with Max asleep in our bedroom and DH has gone to the shop for more baby wipes and milk. My days are filled with breastfeeding, nappy changing, and gazing at Max in general wonder that he's here and alive. He's amazing and beautiful and I'm falling more in love with him each day.
I just can't believe a year ago I didn't know the term 'baby loss', that I was in hospital almost at the end of a high-risk pregnancy and calm, and that Matilda was still alive and kicking me up under the ribs each day.
Our angel-care monitor went off tonight for the first time. It was a false alarm but that's really not good for the nerves.
We'll be lighting a candle for Matilda at our hospital's pregnancy loss service tomorrow night for International Pregnancy Loss Day. I'll be thinking of you all and your precious babies that can't be here with you.