If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

In a parallel universe

I read a book once (no idea which book) that talked about a theory of infinite universes. For every universe you brushed your teeth in this morning there was another one you didn't. For every universe you decided on the white top there was another one you decided on the black one.

So maybe there's a universe out there where the genetic screw up that caused Matilda to have BWS didn't happen. In that universe she would have been born about the 11th of December, and we would've wondered throughout the pregnancy if she'd be late and I'd still be in hospital for Christmas (there's Christmas and Boxing Day babies in my family). And we'd be planning a first birthday party full of pink things. It's hard to believe now.

Max is growing and growing. 6.4kg last week at 9 weeks old. He's starting to smile and coo. And in the night as he feeds I marvel over the miracle that gets babies here alive and lets them grow.


  1. I wonder the same thing. I am sure in some other world, I am out there chasing my two year old around and complaining about how hard motherhood is. Maybe I am even pregnant again, who knows. Does my head in just thinking about it.

  2. I totally wonder about the parallel universe. My life with Otis is so real to me at times that it feels like that would be the only explanation for it...that in some other universe, he didn't end up in the perfect storm and instead he's cooing and gurgling and breastfeeding and growing and snuggling and....alive.

    And yes, like Sally says, it does my head in just to think about it.

    It is such a miracle, and I hope that someday I too get to marvel at it, in person. In the meantime, I will marvel over Max. xo

    Much love to you, Maddie.