If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Monday, August 2, 2010

30 Weeks

Well here I am and 30 weeks pregnant. I'm not really sure how I've made it this far but I have.

My emotions are starting to go up and down more now and I'm not sure if I'm coping as well. It's starting to play on my mind that it's a long way to go still. Or seems like it is. Now I've started this post I'm struggling to put coherent thoughts together....

At this stage in Matilda's pregnancy I was already in hospital with PE so have passed another milestone and my BP is still low at this stage (100/60 yesterday). Having bloods done on Monday to check them as well.

Had three high readings in a row last week for my GD and freaked out. But have changed my diet slightly (back to eggs for breakfast every morning) and that seems to be working so far. Was convinced that it was the start of it escalating and me heading for insulin but touch wood it seems to have just been a bad day. Rang my endo and she was lovely and reassuring and said I can ring her whenever I'm worried.

Went to a first aid course in the weekend. It was focused on kids so I was thinking there might be other pregnant women there but I did not expect a couple with their four month old baby and a 35 week pregnant couple. I was not coping too well while we were standing outside waiting to get in. They straight away engaged each other in pregnancy and baby conversation while I just stood with DH and avoided eye contact. It made me realise just how different pregnancy is for people who haven't been through loss or complicated pregnancies. She's just talking away about their labour plans and how do you find mothers groups and which movie theaters have babes in arms sessions. All things I can't even think about. I'm sure they thought I was a snob.

For the first time we went to a baby shop and now have a change table, monitor and couple of other things. That wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be and even fun at times. Thankfully no staff members asked if it was our first baby.

Yesterday we went back to the hospital for the first time for our antenatal appointment with the bereavement midwife. She supports people in subsequent pregnancies so is going to run us through the relevant antenatal course content in a few fortnightly one on one sessions. I was OK when I arrived and then we said we were their to see the bereavement midwife, the midwife asked me 'are you OK' at which point I just wasn't. But the bereavement midwife was lovely, answered all our questions, got the doppler out so we could listen to Mungie's heart and took my bp, and said I can ring her and go in for monitoring anytime I'm worried. So felt a lot better after seeing her and am looking forward to our other appointments.

Have another scan coming up in a fortnight which I'm starting to get nervous about.

I still have to sort the nursery out so we can start putting things we've been buying for Mungbean in there. I was going to do it today but I'm feeling a bit tired and fragile already so have decided to leave it for the weekend.

We are counting down the weeks now....


  1. you're doing so well maddie. i know it must be incredibly hard but you're doing amazingly. thinking of you and sending hugs.

  2. Glad the time at the baby shop wasn't so bad...and will just be thinking about you as we all count down with you. Much love, and many hugs.

  3. I'm so happy for you, although I can hear how difficult it has been. You are my example, so be strong :-) I am counting the weeks and days right along with you!