My favourite columnist in our paper wrote about
grief last week. One paragraph jumped out at me:
Oates' book ends with a chapter headed The Widow's Handbook, which reads in its entirety: "Of the widow's countless death-duties there is really just one that matters: on the anniversary of her husband's death the widow should think I kept myself alive."
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I Love the column too, I had to look up words. Have you read the year of magical thinking or the widows handbook. Its really hard to find stories that weave grief into them as a natural part of life. I have asked Librarians to find them but they are not usually classified by grief and loss even if its a major theme. I read the household guide to dying, its an aussie book and its written by Debra Adelaide, its fictional but she has some real life experience to draw from. I loved that too.
ReplyDeleteWhen the author implicates, 'I kept myself alive', what is the sense behind it? Is it a sense of guilt that she is still living when the beloved is gone or is it akin to a celebration of survival?
ReplyDeleteJulie - I had trouble finding the grief stories like that as well. I've read the Year of Magical Thinking and the Household guide to dying - I actually read both of them for the first time before Matilda died. Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to end up here.
ReplyDeleteSt Elsewhere - I think (well this is definitely how I read it) that she's saying all that can be expected from a widow/widower in the first year is simply to survive. To expect anything else from someone who's suffered a major loss is just too much. And I agree with that.
I agree with that...
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