If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


When Matilda died and getting through a day felt like an impossible task I didn't think about what it would be like almost two years down the track - I couldn't fathom making it to here. And here I am and the pain can still come from nowhere, take my breath away, and have me in tears.

'Before' seems like so long ago now. Today a song came on the radio that was big the summer before our wedding. Only just over 2 years ago but the person I was then just seems so young and unhurt looking back. It made me cry.

Baby girl we still miss you as much as ever. Mummy xx


  1. I feel the same way. I can't believe I am "here". I would read blogs of those three years down the track, and it seemed impossible I'd ever make it. Yet, here I am....

  2. Oh Maddie, I'm behind you, timewise, but I am beginning to get glimpses of this - I can't fathom that I've made it "this far out" and yet there are moments where the wound feels as fresh as it did 10 months ago.

    Sending you love, nice to see your post pop up in my blog reader.


  3. Many hugs, dear...

    I keep waking up to such realizations too....moments of thinking how I lived through it...

    Just hugs...

  4. Maddie, your not alone... tomorrow is my Matilda's brithday. I feel like " did that really happen?" and also wondering what could have been - things like what would a girly two year old birthday party be like? *hugs*

  5. Maddie,

    I remember when we met on Glow two years ago, and we were both in so much pain, and our pregnancies after were so hard. I think of you often and little Matilda. Can you imagine had they lived, my Henry and your Matilda, they would be two year old fire balls, I know they would take our breath away. My love, M