If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I've been meaning to post an update for ages but haven't quite managed so here it is (in bullet point form...) - thanks for the nudge St Elsewhere ;-) * I'm 30 weeks now and things seem to be going well bar having gestational diabeties again. I had a scan a couple of weeks ago and the baby looks well and was measuring in the 25th percentile which seems strange to me after two big babies (BWS is an overgrowth syndrome and Max is just big). When I asked if we'd do another scan my endochrologist said if we're worried about the baby being small so that's playing on my mind. So all going well 8 weeks to go. I'm starting to get more anxious and just hoping and praying everything is OK with the baby - you can never really know can you. But generally (clutching a big piece of wood here) doing much better than my last pregnancy - a toddler to keep me busy helps a lot. * Max is 22 months now and brings joy and laughter (and lets be honest - some yelling and the occasional tantrum) to our lives everyday. He's not really talking yet (says dog, duck, Mama, and nah) but can communicate and my doctor thinks he's still in the normal range and we'll just wait and see for now. * Max's christening is this weekend and last night we saw the priest that performed Matilda's funeral for the first time since then. I coped OK but I still find it hard to believe at times that we had a daughter, she died, and we organised her funeral. We're going to include a prayer for her in the baptism. * This is the third time I've been 30 weeks pregnant but the first time I've really been out and interacting with people at this stage of pregnancy. With Matilda I was in hospital by now and with Max I was home most of the time and when I was out I really didn't want anyone bringing up the fact I was I pregnant. This time I'm out there talking to people about age gaps and how their older child adjusted and generally acting like there's going to be a baby coming home. It strikes me sometimes that someone who didn't know my story and was having a hard time falling/staying pregnant/another BLM would just assume I was just one of those smug, pregnant, fertile women who was acting like it was just going to happen. That's all I can think of right now but I'm sure there's more I've been meaning to post - I'll be back :-)


  1. It is almost time...well if 2 weeks are considered almost, that is.

    Thanks for the update.

    If only people knew.

    Just having Figlia and going out and about with her makes me wonder how people perceive us to be - is it possible that our struggle to have her gets evident in any of our outward appearances?

    I am glad you have been able to move around this time around.

    Good Luck to you....hoping Max's christening goes well.

  2. Yes, the third time around was different, that's for sure. I had to act and appear more "normal" as Angus had forced me out in to the big bad world.
    Thinking of you as the weeks tick down.

  3. Thinking of you and sending love....

  4. Oh well, it is September. You must be on the final countdown now.

    Take care, and my best wishes are with you and the baby.