If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Freak Outs this Week

In the last week I have freaked out about the following things:
* Cleaning the bathroom
* Burning scented candles
* Burning mosquito coils
* Not gaining any weight so far
* Lifting groceries

I am pretty sure I did all of these things last time and didn't give it a second thought. I was talking to my Mum on the phone the other night and half way through this list she cut in and asked 'When are you seeing your pysc again?'. So my mother thinks I'm crazy.

Is it just me? Or is everyone more neurotic after loss? And as much as I love the internet it seems for everything you do, you can always find at least one page saying it's a bad idea.


  1. I think you are normal! After you have lost a baby you develop a new normal, so I think you are fine!

  2. i have gone the opposite way to you. since last time i did EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING that you were meant to, i put all faith in medicine, i took all tests, vitamins etc etc and i was HARDCORE and did not even has a WHISPER of ANYTHING on the 'what not to have' lists and the 'what not to do lists' and STILL i lost my baby i now have little to no faith in tests and doctors and scans. they can no longer comfort me. they have proven they have no control over whether i lose this baby or not and that there is actually no time considered 'over that safe line'. i just have to try and sit tight and see. this time i have mostly ignored the what not lists (except of course obviously reckless behaviour smoking drinking and the likes) and i have reluctantly visited the doctor only for referrals for necessary scans. all of this, by the way, has been done in a neurotic, supersticious quiet panic type way. so yes it seems we are all neurotic after a loss. hang in there. you are great. xoxo

  3. I think it's completely normal and I'm sure there are going to be many more freak outs to come. :( You aren't crazy! You are just a good mama worrying for your baby! :) (((HUGS)))

  4. It's normal - just try to breath. I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best.

  5. just agreeing with everyone else. it's completely normal. i would freak out about all those things, even knowing they make no difference to anything.