At meditation last night we got half way through it and suddenly I felt like it was hard to get deep breaths into my lungs. It was quite intense and uncomfortable. But then as the lady who takes our group started saying 'just be receptive' I suddenly had a thought 'Matilda is here'. And all the weight was gone from my chest and I could breathe deeply again. Apparently we hold our grief in our lungs.
Matilda - I hope you are here.
And Mungbean - I hope you are too.
I love you both and I can't really explain how much the reality that I can't have both of you here hurts. So just know that I love you both.