If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Gestational Diabetes and a Meltdown

I have GD. I know it can be managed but when my ob's office rang with the results from the short test I completely melted down. When I was pregnant with Matilda, GD was the start of a run of bad news - GD at 26 weeks, Matilda being diagnosed with BWS at 28 weeks, and me getting PE and being hospitalised at 29 weeks. So that phone call just put me right back there and it wasn't good - I got on google and started reading about all the associated risks which was a bad idea. DH rang me and I was so upset he couldn't understand me and came home from work.

I've since calmed down but my anxiety levels have definitely gone back up and I'm feeling much more fragile generally. My endo is away this week but I'll be calling and can hopefully get an appointment next week. I'll be asking her if she recommends extra monitoring and delivery earlier than 39 weeks.

I've started following the diet and testing. I've had a couple of slightly high results (7.5 & 7.8) but my food choices weren't the best so hopefully I can get it under control with diet. I need to go shopping and get organised.

Other than the GD, things are continuing as normal (as far as I know). I'm 26 weeks now and feeling lots of movement which is wonderful. I'm actually starting to feel like I'm really pregnant - odd I know given that I'm just about in the third trimester. I've bought a book for Mungbean and DH went to the baby expo (took his sister) and got a few different MCNs for us to try.
We passed through Matilda's 8 month birthday and it didn't send me down a black hole but I think about her all the time and still have trouble believing what happened - our baby girl died, how is that even possible.

When I first started reading blogs and glowinthewoods shortly after Matilda died and all I felt was overwhelming pain I couldn't imagine making it to here. But I have and I see new blogs and names on glow and just feel for those women going through that pain and know that nothing I say will really change it.


  1. Just breathe. and again. and again. you can do it.

  2. What Knitlass said.
    I am thinking of you, Maddie. All the time. xx

  3. try and stay positive Maddie... i have my fingers and toes crossed for you

  4. Thinking of you and hoping for good things! XO I remember the feeling of not being able to make it here too.

  5. thinking of you maddie. i hope the GD is staying under control xx