If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Before this happened I would've imagined the overwhelming sadness would be the most difficult emotion to deal with. But now I'm here it's the constant anxiety I find most difficult. I have constant feeling that I've forgotten about something unpleasent coming up, racing heart, restlessness, etc. It seems odd to me because it's already happened. The thing I was most worried about and wouldn't even think about as a possibility has happened - my baby died. Yet I feel much more anxious now than I ever did during my pregnancy. I don't even think I felt like this before scans even though they only ever seemed to bring more bad news rather than reassurance.

Is this the case for others? How do you deal with it?


  1. I have this all the time, and have had it since Freyja died. I take medication, plus I try to avoid situations which I know will cause me to become anxious.

  2. Hi Maddie,

    sorry you are feeling this way. I dont feel this way but i do have days where i am still overwhelmed with sadness and cry myself silly. I find sitting in the car and just crying to be quiet theraputic..

    hope you find a solution

  3. ' . . constant feeling that I've forgotten about something unpleasent' as I'm waking up, most mornings, I get this feeling. I wake up and for a couple of bleary seconds think that everything is fine and then bang, it hits me that she's still dead.
    I find that it calms down a lot during the day now but I do try to avoid certain situations where I know I'll panic.

  4. So sorry you feel this way. I'm sure it's another thing that comes with this grief. Take it easy and try and find support in your friends and family. We're here to support you too! :)