If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Balloon Release

One of the things we did in the weekend was a balloon release for our babies. We also released balloons for the babies whose Mum's couldn't make it in the weekend.

I had a feeling I was going to find it very emotional and kept tearing up as the afternoon approached. We gathered in a park near the sea and filled almost 50 balloons with helium and each wrote messages to our precious babies on them.

One of the things that hurts me so much about this is how much my DH hurts and how much I can't fix that. I wrote on the balloon and then DH asked with tears in his eyes 'Do I get to write as well?' and when I said 'Yes, of course' wrote 'Tilly - Dad loves you'. It makes me cry so much just thinking about it.

When were all ready, we walked down to the waterfront and starting releasing them. I was out and out sobbing by this stage and then we released Matilda's balloon and watched it go up and over the trees. I don't think I've cried so hard since the funeral.

I also released three balloons for three other very special babies.

It was such a beautiful thing to do and also so sad how many balloons there were. But I loved it so much that I think we'll release a bunch of pink balloons for Matilda's first birthday.


  1. I was one of the mums who wasn't able to be there. I wasn't able to release balloons for my children. I'm glad there were others there who could.

  2. hi Mirne - I'm not sure if you saw my reply to your comment on the previous post. The three balloons I released were for Freya, Kees, and Jet. Thinking of you.

  3. what a lovely idea.
    you've got my cogs turning.....

  4. I'm glad you and your husband did that. Sounds like it was a special moment for the two of you.