I had a feeling I was going to find it very emotional and kept tearing up as the afternoon approached. We gathered in a park near the sea and filled almost 50 balloons with helium and each wrote messages to our precious babies on them.
One of the things that hurts me so much about this is how much my DH hurts and how much I can't fix that. I wrote on the balloon and then DH asked with tears in his eyes 'Do I get to write as well?' and when I said 'Yes, of course' wrote 'Tilly - Dad loves you'. It makes me cry so much just thinking about it.
When were all ready, we walked down to the waterfront and starting releasing them. I was out and out sobbing by this stage and then we released Matilda's balloon and watched it go up and over the trees. I don't think I've cried so hard since the funeral.
I also released three balloons for three other very special babies.
It was such a beautiful thing to do and also so sad how many balloons there were. But I loved it so much that I think we'll release a bunch of pink balloons for Matilda's first birthday.