If you know me in real life and have found this blog, please honour my wishes and don't read on. I need this place to freely write my feelings to help me to heal and if you're reading, I'll censor myself. I have no way of knowing who is reading so all I can do is trust you to honour my wishes. Thank you.

(this doesn't apply to any of my fellow mums of angels I've been lucky enough to meet in real life)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Mother of Angels Conference

We got back yesterday from a weekend away with a group of women and their families from the forum I'm a part of. These women have been an amazing support to me and I'm sure I'd be in much worse place right now if I hadn't found them. I'll write more tomorrow (the trip on top of the general exhaustion of grief has wiped me out) but it was wonderful to sit in a room and talk to people who understand. To be able to show them photos of our baby and know they won't find it strange. To see women 2 or more years out from their loss honour their babies and be reassured that while my life will eventually start to look more normal again, Matilda will always be a part of my life. To hear someone say that one day down the track, I'll answer the dreaded 'How are you?' with 'Good, thanks' and mean it. Hope is really all I'm asking for at the moment, I can live with the tears, the sadness, the seeming emptiness of my life, if I have hope for the future. And these wonderful amazing women have given me that.

On the other hand, I cried for most of the day today. It still amazes me how quickly and how far my emotions can swing as I travel this journey.

I'll try and put some pictures up tomorrow of our candles and balloons.


  1. It was lovely to meet you and Mick and thankyou for sharing photos of Matilda with me.

  2. Oh Maddi honey it was wonderful to meet you and Mick too , go with the waves honey fighting them is too hard and tiring but slowly the waves will get more gentle and things will calm just alittle and you will be able to breath again. Until then we are always here for you anytime you need us.